See this little pill....
in 2008 I was prescribed it after having a panic attack that felt like a heart attack.
Here is my story...
I was at school leading the Pledge of Allegiance with my elementary students, and I collapsed. My heart was pounding, I was gasping for air, and I could not catch my breath. It came out of no where. The principal and school nurse called 911 and an ambulance was sent to get me. My dad had a heart attack at the age of 40, and I was 50...
When I arrived at the emergency room, the attending physician told me that my heart was fine, but asked me if I had some big worries that were bothering me.
I told him that my husband was currently deployed to the Middle East and my son was soon to deploy to Afghanistan. My younger son was getting married in two days, and I had a lot to do to get to the wedding. My plane was leaving at 4 pm. I was packed and ready. My car was loaded, and my dress for the happy celebration was bagged.
The physician asked me if I had been sleeping well. I told him about 3 hours per night, but I was a yoga teacher/elementary teacher....I would be fine; I just needed to push through and get there.
He prescribed a pill to help me settle down, but then my primary care physician would not allow me to fly out because she was not convinced it wasn't a heart issue. I told her I would drive then to Colorado. But, my mother-in-law intervened and through the Red Cross called my husband.
My husband called and begged me not to go until we knew for sure I was all right.
It was the saddest day of my life on Saturday when I missed a very important event.
I have never stopped grieving over missing that celebration.
9 years later, I was still taking that same pill. It started innocently enough. 1/2 a pill to help me calm my anxiety, sleep better, and relax. But, it became a whole pill, then a pill and a half. Later, I was up to 2 pills and would take another if I still could not sleep. I was having more anxiety than ever.
August 21, 2017...I stopped taking the pills. Cold turkey. Later I found out that immediate withdrawal of a long term medication can cause a bad result. But at the time, I just knew that I had to stop immediately, even though I was prescribed them regularly as needed.
Yes, I would love to tell you that I do not struggle with anxiety, insomnia, or a pounding heart. I cannot. But, I can tell you I have had one full year of freedom and have seen the devastation in my own life that one innocent looking pill can cause.
Yoga, prayer, and kind friends have helped me push through this year. I am thankful. Sometimes we think that addicts are homeless or deranged or losers. Perhaps we should re-evaluate that a little pill innocently prescribed can create a lot of havoc and even increase the anxiety that it is supposed to help.
One Year of Freedom.
